I'm Called to What?!

A first year seminarian's reflection of I Samuel 3:1-10 and how it relates to her call story. 

3 Now the boy Samuel was ministering to the Lord under Eli. The word of the Lord was rare in those days; visions were not widespread. 2 At that time Eli, whose eyesight had begun to grow dim so that he could not see, was lying down in his room; 3 the lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the Lord, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the Lord called, “Samuel! Samuel!” and he said, “Here I am!” 5 and ran to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call; lie down again.” So he went and lay down. 6 The Lord called again, “Samuel!” Samuel got up and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call, my son; lie down again.” 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, and the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. 8 The Lord called Samuel again, a third time. And he got up and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” Then Eli perceived that the Lord was calling the boy. 9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, “Go, lie down; and if he calls you, you shall say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. 10 Now the Lord came and stood there, calling as before, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

(I Samuel 3:1-10, NRSV)

Initially when choosing the call story that I most identified with for a VFCL assignment, I had a difficult time. After my first read through, I reached the end and had the sinking feeling that none of the stories matched mine. However, through the process of theological reflection, I find that I am uniquely connected to Samuel in a way that gives me shivers! Samuel, who is a young boy, never asked to be called by God. However, God clearly has different plans for him! I was once told that God does not call the equipped, He equips the called. If there is anything that I can say for certain, it is that Samuel's life and my life are living proof of this statement. There is no logical reason that someone from my background, experience or social situation should be able to say that they have earned the opportunity to reflect on this assignment, for this class, at this school. Let alone, be able to share it online with all of you. However, God clearly has different plans for me too! 

On my first read through of the scripture above, the obvious "what it's about" answer was the call and how to recognize God's voice in the midst of daily life. Just as Samuel did, we may not interpret this call correctly. It took Samuel more than three times to answer the Lord back and may have taken him longer if he had not been around Eli. It took an outsider, someone that Samuel knew, to identify the summons in order that Samuel would be receptive to the Divine revelation that is to follow. We can infer from scripture that Samuel received his first Divine revelation at a very young age. Just as Samuel was called at a young age, I believe that I too was called at a young age. Similarly, just as it took an outsider to help identify the call in Samuel’s life, it also took my faith community to encourage me to answer the call of God.  

 On my second read through, what stood out to me the most was Samuel's first reply. The first time that Samuel hears his name being called, he replies, "Here I am!" before running to Eli's side. I cannot speak for others, but I sure know that I had that experience! My local church helped me to discern God's calling, but what I've learned since is that once an individual realizes that they are being called, there is not a Spark note version or "Calling for Dummies" that we can study!

 Isaiah 43:1 tells us that God has called each and every one of us by name! Yet, sometimes when we hear our names being called… like Samuel, we run in the wrong direction! I cannot describe the amount of times that I thought I was being called to homeless ministry, children's ministry or teaching. I thought, "How in the world am I going to figure out what I am called to?! There are many different ways to plug into ministry and how do I know which one to choose?!" On top of the experiences I had in these different ministerial areas, it was overwhelming to think of all of the experiences I had yet to have.

I made it through my senior year of undergrad making excuses for why I should not enter into seminary this fall. These excuses, while well intended, were definitely road blocks in my journey. Similarly to Samuel, I struggled with the idea of being called and questioned the purpose of my call. And, if I am being honest, I still do! Sitting in one of my first classes, the realization that I was in seminary hit me and a feeling of both dread and relief washed over me. It was sickening, but exciting at the same time. Now that we are a month into classes, I can say that I have been affirmed in my time here. I have learned so much about myself, my call and my relationships with others! I am glad that, through all of our ups and downs the Lord continues to call us and waits patiently for a faithful response!

When I initially read this pericope, I could not help but focus on the obvious message. That is, God calls us and sometimes we misinterpret this calling. For me, I identify much more with Samuel of my reflection. It is obvious to Samuel that he is being called. However, he confuses the purpose behind his call and explores the calling using different avenues. This is where I struggle the most in my own life. It is obvious to me, and to those within my community, that I am being called. The question to what is something that I am still discerning! Referring back to Isaiah, he says, "Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?" After a long (and continuing) discernment process, many tears and much more laughter, I am proud to say that I am dedicating my life over to the service of the Lord through ordained ministry. Just as Samuel, Isaiah, Moses and many others before me, I am saying, "Here I am. Send me" (Isaiah 6:8).

          Faith and Peace,
                    Anitta M