With a little less than two hours until I'm officially no longer 22, I thought I would spend some time reflecting on my journey thus far. Better take a bathroom break now, because we're going on a years worth of memories!
At the end of 22, all I have to say is "Whew"! What a year. Seriously. Over the last 12 months, I have been out of the country twice, I have graduated from college, I have started seminary, I have intentionally began to develop my faith, I have struggled, I have succeeded, I have fallen behind and I have overcome.
The last 12 months have brought a lot of changes and challenges in my life. I had the opportunity to spend my last birthday with one of my best friends. This friend and I lived together during my last year of college. We didn't always have a peaches and cream relationship, but she is the person that I know that I can always rely on when crap hits the fan. And, it seemed like crap hit the fan a lot! She pushed me, strengthened me, challenged me and ultimately helped me develop into a better person. Because of her, I know the meaning of a relationship based on faith. I know that it takes two to make a friendship work and that we can not always rely on the other person to do the work! But, when one friend is struggling, it takes the other to make up the difference. Although we had an immediate bond, I like to joke that it took me some time to warm up to her.
Back in November, I had my first "real-world" disappointment. After applying to my first "adult" position, I was called back for the second interview. Yay! After walking away from that interview, I knew that I didn't have the position. Not yay. But, what I did have was the experience. I now knew what to expect the next time.
In December, I was e-mailed by a church leader who asked if I was interested in a position within their congregation. After being a little hurt by the rejection of the last church, I decided to give it another shot. Within three weeks, I was interviewing for the position of Coordinator of Children's Ministries with this congregation. After a very short interview process, I was to begin the position February 1st.
My favorite memory from my time with this congregation was when a father walked up to me and said, “Ya know Anitta, I don’t know what you’re doing in Sunday School... but, whatever it is, is working for Ally.” He proceeded to tell me that earlier in the week, the family was hanging out in the back yard. The father was reading and little Ally was playing in the grass with some of her toys. He said that he overheard her chatting to herself. When he looked over at her, she was gazing at a flower and said, “Flower, you’re beautiful because God made you. And, I’m beautiful because God made me.” Ally’s father mentioned that this was the first time that Ally had brought up God on her own and that she seemed to have a small but mighty insight into the nature of God.
As you can imagine, I was overjoyed to get this feedback, not only for the knowledge that what I was saying was getting through, but also that it was making a difference in the faith life of a child. Admittedly, I was a little nervous when Ally’s father approached me. After all, I was new to the position and it seemed to be that EVERYONE had an opinion on how I was supposed to be doing my job. I wrongly assumed that he was going to be an agent of judgment; however, he was an agent of affirmation in a time when I really needed it. Working in my first ministry position, at many times, I felt way in over my head. I was young, in college and childless; yet, I was responsible for directing the Church’s role in spiritual formation of these young children. Although I was sometimes frustrated or overwhelmed, in the midst of my doubt, He found ways to continuously give me small affirmations that I was on the right path. Not only that, He allowed me to have an impact on the call of not only Ally, but of all of the children in that community.
The continual affirmations that I received in this ministry, made me rethink my calling. I struggled. A lot. If it was not for the whirl wind adventure that I took in March with my roommate, I think I might have exploded with stress. If it wasn't for her optimism, creativity and adventurous drive, I would have never had the courage to travel to the Dominican Republic. After a week of crazy adventures, jumping off of waterfalls, swimming in the ocean and toasting along the beach side, I thought that I would return to finish out my undergrad with a bang!
During spring term of my senior year, I took one of my favorite classes at North Central, Philosophy of Religion. It was within this class that I began to ask questions about Religions that would have a large impact on my faith. I learned about contemporary Christian theologies, about the origin of the world and about how as a person of faith, I have options within my Religion! Undoubtedly, this class helped me form the questions that I am hoping to answer during my time at seminary.
As graduation was quickly approaching, I found myself drowning my emotions in my work. I could not possibly be sad or mourn the end of a era if I had four jobs, could I!? Wrong. So, wrong. I think sometimes when we think about graduation, people expect us to be excited to "get in the real world". However, this was not the feeling that I and many of my peers shared. We were not T-Swifts version of being 22. We were mourning the loss of our friends, the loss of our home and, in a sense, the loss of ourselves. Although we're told we're Cardinals for life, it does not feel like it in that moment.
And then the day came. I, Anitta Milloro, walked across the stage. I didn't trip. I didn't cry. I, didn't really feel anything. I couldn't believe it was over. I smiled, I posed, I entertained. Because, that's what I was supposed to do, right? I had too much to think about to really feel like a graduate.
The day after graduation, I embarked on a spiritual journey with five people that I didn't know much about, but came to love. For the second summer in a row, I directed the New Beginnings VBS team. With some much needed changes, the program became something that I treasured. It was the first time, in a long time, I became intentional about my faith and what how I was to live it out. I almost felt like I had spent the last four years learning the theories behind being a Christian, but didn't seek out the personal growth. The summer went by too quickly.
Week after week, day in and day out, we talked, taught and meditated on what it meant to be a neighbor. Little did I know that this curriculum would hit so close to home when I made the trek to Israel and Palestine in August. (I know I haven't shared a lot about this trip with ya'll yet, but it's because I am working on a blog post that is trying to capture all of the little pieces!) Some things that I took away from this trip: 1) I have seen, now I am responsible. 2) I am not anti-Jew; I am pro-human. 3)I believe in the rights of all people to receive respect. This trip moved me in ways that I can't describe. I've always known that I have a heart for mission, but this trip served as a reminder that it's easy to be an American. And, as an American, it's easy to be a Christian. However, it shouldn't be! Jesus taught a Gospel that made people feel uncomfortable. We can't always take the easy way out. We are all called to do different things, but we are ALL called to love one another and that's NOT what I saw in the Holy Land.
Towards the end of my trip, I was surrounded by conversations of what "going home" was going to be like. This. This was the hardest thing of all. That is when it hit me. The death of life as I had known it. Graduation. The loss of a job. The loss of an apartment. The loss of (what felt like) all of my friends. When I returned home, I'd be in a new city, in a new home and in a new school surrounded by new people.
If any of you know me, you'd know that I am not that keen on change. I struggled to get out of bed, to unpack and to start classes. I was pessimistic about my calling, about my location and worst about how I saw God working in my life because of the way that I was feeling. In my first post, I expressed how overwhelmed, excited, scared and nervous that I was to begin my first year of seminary. I even contemplated quitting school to au pair in a foreign country.
Well, I'm a month into school and I can officially say that I am glad that I didn't flee the county when things got hard! I am absolutely in love with seminary. And on top of that, I've learned that I am not alone in my feelings of doubt! In fact, I was told that if you DON'T struggle with your calling, there's DEFINITELY something wrong! All of the formative experiences that I've had leading up to this point, give me a unique perspective here. Although I know that we are all different ages, coming from different backgrounds and bringing different baggage with us, we are truly a body that is determined to make a difference. For me, that difference is beginning internally. I am taking my faith seriously. I am seeking out opportunities to grow as an individual and as a spiritual being.
It's amazing the way that God works. After carrying me through the tough times over the last year, he has delivered me to seminary, to a new job and to new friends. With His help, I am standing on my own two feet. While I can't say that I am not still in mourning the loss of my old life, I am definitely optimistic of what is yet to come.
So, 23, bring it. Bring everything you got, because I'm ready.
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