When A Parent Dies by Whoa Susannah

When a parent dies, one of the hardest things to do is go through their stuff. Going through an entire house and picking through each drawer, cabinet and closet is not only physically draining, but emotionally draining as well. 

With each scrap of paper or photo or piece of clothing is attached a cherished memory. You come across placemats you've been looking at your entire life and have to make the painstaking decision to toss them in a donate box or keep them for another 30 years. 

You keep them, of course. 

And then you realize you're keeping too much stuff and have no place to put it all. The apron Mother wore is a must keep- no brainer there- along with the furniture and knick knacks and 12 Rubbermaid bins of photos and family history and her poetry and three sets of fine China and the vintage light fixture that's been hanging over the kitchen table for decades-- but what about that Tupperware from 1987 that carried her Mississippi Mud Cake to grandmother's house on birthdays and holidays? It still smells like her cake batter, but do you really need another piece of her Tupperware? Your kitchen cabinets are already overflowing with her dishes. 

So you toss the yellow cake carrier into the donate box and stew over it for the next hour. Should you have kept it? Should you keep every single one of her nightgowns, too, although you've already put 14 of them in a box to take home? Can you let go? 

You feel like she's there saying, "Don't get rid of that! That was your grandmother's mixing bowl! Are you really going to give away my favorite houseshoes? I bought those at Goldsmith's 10 years ago but they still look new!" 

So you find yourself digging through the donate box for Tupperware and nightgowns and reading glasses and mixing bowls and houseshoes and magnets from her refrigerator and you throw it all in your car. 

You sit in your kitchen surrounded by boxes of your mother's makeup and spatulas and pillows and anything that still carries her scent. Suddenly you've inherited your deceased father's shirts and your deceased grandmother's kitchen towels because your mother couldn't let go of those things either. 

You have no idea what to do with it all because these things don't fall into the "must keep" category the way her antique armoire and photos and the dress she wore to your wedding do. These things fall into the "can't yet let go" category. 

You can't think about it anymore, so you shove it into closets and the attic. You'll do something with it all later. 

Thirty years will pass and you'll still have boxes packed with Estee Lauder powder, Spellbound perfume, crusty blush brushes, placemats and 40 year old houseshoes. 

Cause you'll never want to let it go.