God Loves the Gays

Some of you may be wondering what I've been up to in my life of ministry, outside of the hospital. Well, I'm finally ready to tell you. When I moved to Des Moines a year ago, I had a packed car, $30 in my pocket and a whole lot of pain. I found myself seeking home, community, friendship, and affirmation. I tried to find these things in some of the local churches; however, I had become unable to make meaning in a space that used to feel so familiar. I could go on for pages about my struggle with God, faith and the Church over the last year; however, there's a time and place for everything and this is neither!

In the midst of my seeking, part of what I realized was that I needed to be connected to another part of my identity, so... I searched. I searched for a connection to the queer community through pride centers, gay bars and strangers. When my searching turned up fruitless, I created.

With the help of a friend, I created a Facebook group to help queer women, womyn, non-binary and trans folks across Iowa to connect, celebrate and understand one another. Over the last 9 months, this group has grown to 836 members, with more being added everyday. In an average month, we interact over 20k times through posts, comments and reactions.

As a group, we host monthly in-person meetups, an online book club, and other social events to get together and get talking. In the upcoming year, we're launching a coffee/social justice forum in three cities that will meet once a month, a queer prom and so much more. I couldn't do this or keep it going without an amazing leadership team of people who volunteer their time and energy. These are truly the patron saints of the queer community here in Iowa!

Some people may disagree that this is ministry because we don't talk about God everyday. However, the God that I believe in is unequivocally for me and the community that I represent. God shows up in community, in relationship and in the radical hospitality of strangers. God is for the creation of spaces in which the oppressed can be their true selves, share their pain and celebrate their joy.

This is my ministry, and I am so freaking proud of it. ♡

Pastor Anitta +♡

Mourn with those Who Mourn: Romans 12:15

When I arrived at the room, I found a weeping child, and a shocked sister. I found a man barely in his 40s, struggling to take his last deep breaths. At the direction of the patient's Health Care Power Of Attorney, all medical interventions were stopped and comfort measures were began. One by one, the medical team exited the room leaving me with sisters, a brother-in-law and a son. The five of us gathered around the patient. We cried, held one another and sang. We prayed and shared stories. The patient died shortly after.

As I stood there, I could not help but relate my own experiences. I don't really know how to acknowledge this publicly, but over the last two months, I had a sibling and a step-parent complete suicide. Although, I did not name my experiences with this family, I was able to use my experiences to inform my practice. I spoke out of the deep pit of discomfort and grief. I lamented alongside of them, reflecting on my own pain and suffering. I am sure that these experiences will continue to impact my chaplaincy care, pastoral care and spiritual care. As they do, I look forward to having this space to be open and vulnerable about the encounters.

After spending most of my early morning with this family and being brought back to my own place of grief and mourning, I was responsible for offering both our staff devotion as well as leading a staff prayer service this morning. Here are the words that I shared:

Devotion: Mourn with Those Who Mourn

Rejoice with those who rejoice;

mourn with those who mourn. 

Romans 12:15 NIV

When I was growing up, my family had a border collie who was very aware of and sensitive to human emotions. Whenever something was upsetting me and I'd sneak away too my room for a good cry, he was usually the first one on the scene to check in on me. He'd walk in quietly, lay his head on my lap, and look up at me with his big brown eyes. He would stay there, sitting quietly next to me, until I felt better. His simple presence was overwhelmingly comforting.

Instead of running away from a potentially awkward situation, embrace the opportunity to be a comfort and support to someone who is hurting. Look out for those who might need and extra hug, smile, or encouraging word. Even if you don't know what to say, just being an empathetic and supporting presence is all that's necessary.

Physical and emotional pain tend to make us feel very alone, so the simple act of noticing that someone is hurting, being there for them, mourning with them, and standing by until they feel betters remarkable power to heal wounds and banish loneliness.

-- 3-minute Devotions for a God Lover's Heart: 180 Paws-itively Perfect Readings 

May the Spirit bless you with discomfort

at easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships
so that you will live deep in your heart. 

May the Spirit bless you with anger
at injustice and oppression, the exploitation of people and earth
so that you will work for justice, equity and peace. 

May the Spirit bless you with tears
to shed for those who suffer
so that you will reach out your hand to comfort them. 

May the Spirit bless you with foolishness
to think that you can make a difference in the world
so that you will do the things which others say cannot be done.

Prayer Service

Centering
As we begin our time together, I invite you to meditate with a two way breath. As you breathe in, you may choose to focus on the item you named. As you breathe out, you may choose to focus on something that you’d like to let go. For example: I may breathe in “peace” and exhale “fear”.

Reading
“Like a wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places. I learned about these qualities during my bouts with depression. In that deadly darkness, the faculties I had always depended on collapsed. My intellect was useless; my emotions were dead; my will was impotent; my ego was shattered. But from time to time, deep in the thickets of my inner wilderness, I could sense the presence of something that knew how to stay alive even when the rest of me wanted to die. That something was my tough and tenacious soul.”

-- Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life

Reflection
What of Parker Palmer’s words caused the strongest feelings in you? Why?
While you were reading, describe what you pictured in your mind.
Are there connections between Parker Palmer’s words and your life? If so, how?
What do you wonder about this reading?

Prayer

Beautiful Mystery,

Where hearts are fearful and constricted,

grant courage and hope.

Where anxiety is infectious and widening,

grant peace and reassurance.

Where impossibilities close every door and window,

grant imagination and resistance.

Where distrust twists our thinking,

grant healing and illumination.

Where spirits are daunted and weakened,

grant soaring wings and strengthened dreams.

Blessing
The love of the faithful Creator
The peace of the wounded Healer
The joy of the challenging Spirit
The hope of the Three in One
Surround and encourage you
Today, tonight and forever.

-- Kathy Galloway, The Pattern of Our Days

In the Grip of God's Grace, 

Pastor Anitta +♡

Blackberry Winter: Chaplaincy and Dementia

This week for my Psychopathology course, we were required to read the play Blackberry Winter. I felt as if it was well constructed and gave me an interesting insight into the inside life of what happens to the family system when the aging parent reverts to a form of infancy – as it was stated in the play. Throughout the play, I continued to wonder, “How would I pastor Vivienne and would it be different than how I would be a chaplain for her?” My gut instinct tells me that they would be pretty similar. In the clinical setting, more often than not, people are verbalizing a desire to know the “why” to explain what they are going through. However, I find that something within my presence at the bedside allows them to move into another space. It becomes less about the “why” and more about the sharing of stories. With a disorder like dementia, I find that there is less of a ‘why’ attitude and more of a task orientation. I believe that the character in Blackberry Winter embodied this disposition, as well. In some ways, it seems to be easier – safer, maybe? – to stay within the logic of what needs to happen. This strikes me as interesting, given the disorder in and of itself is illogical. I’m also hyper-aware of the term used in Ministry with Persons with Mental Illness and Their Families to describe someone in Vivienne’s position – the ‘sandwich generation’. These are the folks who are simultaneously caring for the aging parent and the coming to age child. As pastor/chaplain, I’m wondering how to be fully present with Vivienne? How do I remain fully present with someone who doesn’t seem to be able to be fully present with themselves?

Secondly, how does one be pastor to the declining parent in this scenario? In Ministry with Persons, dementia is referred to as a “disease of old age”. As this is increasingly true, what is the pastoral response to bring with these folks? In my experience of being present with patient’s experiencing these symptoms, I find that I often question what makes my visit different than any other visit within the hospital and/or a social visit. I’m reflecting here on the time that I spent in a nursing home with my parent (who was an employee). I would regularly visit several ladies who told me the same stories, thought I was a grandchild or could recall just enough to remember that I was a stranger they enjoyed meeting. In both Ministry with Persons and Blackberry Winter, I am struck by the concept of complementary therapies. What is the current model for how we care for these patients? Does it vary across facility? Are there best practices? As someone who does not imagine being in a diagnostic setting – what is my role as pastor? As advocate? Is there a way to ritualize this type of decline in a worship setting?

That’s all I have for now.

In the Grip of God's Grace, 

Pastor Anitta +