If I'm being honest, I'm not going to miss you. I'm not going to miss you one, single bit. One year ago today, I welcomed you, invited you and challenged you. I shared my wishes with you for life, career and personal growth. I leaned into you with excitement and acceptance. I think this is demonstrated best in the Facebook post I shared:
Yesterday, I started my birthday picking up dog waste, had surprise cheesecake delivered to me, slept in, was treated to breakfast, cleaned, napped, comforted a Jewish family in distress, received a thank you page from the ICU team, witnessed the birth of a stillborn baby and held the hand of a nurse as she recounted her own experience of losing a child.If the coming year is anything like my birthday, I will be blessed, transformed, challenged and affirmed. Thank you all for being on this journey with me. I look forward to sharing my life with you.#birthday #blessed #transformed #suprise #journey #chaplain
I wish I could say that this past year was everything that I had wanted it to be... but, it just hasn't been. Over the last year, I have lost a lot. I ended a relationship, I didn't graduate, I lost a brother, I lost a mother, I uprooted my life in Chicago to pursue a dream, which I also lost. I lost my stability, I lost my security, I lost a sense of my identity and I lost my community.
In the last year, I gained a fur baby, a clinical pastoral education unit, a job, opportunity, a chaplain's identity, licensing for becoming a local pastor, friendship, love, strength, a counselor, mentors and so much more.
25, you have shown me my strength, my competence, my weaknesses, my resiliency, my ability to thrive, my dedication, my support system, my growing edges and my dreams. You have been a hell of a year!
Traditionally, my birthday blog has recapped my experience of the previous year. However, if I'm being honest, I am feeling a bit defeated by this past year. In the midst of all of the positives, there have been a lot... A LOT... of heartbreaking losses. Instead of celebrating a successful 25th revolution around the sun, I'm going to talk about my hope for the next revolution. Because frankly, 25 was just too God damn hard.
So, 26. Here you are. I don't really know how you feel yet. This is the part of the story where I compare you to trying on a new sweater. Ya know, how you feel a little to snug in certain places, but perfect in other ways. I can picture wearing you out with friends, holding hands, movie dates, Grandma hugs and Doggie snuggles.
26, I have so many hopes for you... hopes that I have summed up in a beautiful word cloud.
In the name of all that is good, holy, sacred and beautiful, please don't let me down. <3
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