Living an Unremarkable Life

Noun — An irresistible desire to travel in order to understand one’s self.

They say that your 20s are supposed to be a time of exploration, figuring yourself out, setting your dreams. It’s also the time to get your ducks in a row so that by 30 you’re ready to settle down, have kids, get business cards and work towards that spacious corner office. Right? At least, that’s what I’ve heard.

Today, I am struggling with being in that in between place. In 10 short days, I will be on the other side of 25 and I am beginning to wonder if I've got my 'priorities' figured out. In health care chaplaincy, I often encounter folks who report working hard all of their lives, finally retiring and a week later have a stroke, wake up paralyzed, or another significant medical issue with their loved one. These folks have literally worked themselves so hard, that when they finally have the chance to rest, the years of trauma catch up to them all at once.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.

At 25, I hold in tension being both a novice in my field, but accomplished amongst my peers. While I report in to a 8-5 job for 40+ hours a week, one of my best friends is traveling the world and collecting experiences which will make her memories of being a 20-something, worth remembering. Am I going to remember my day-to-day experiences of my residency? Probably not.

In one of my learning didactics, the facilitator presented material on Use of Self. In his discussion, he spoke about reporting on people's psychological state as being 'unremarkable'. By unremarkable, the doctor was indicating that his assessment of the patient showed no signs of deviation outside of the normal range.

The word unremarkable has stuck with me.

When I share my story, I often hear feedback that it is remarkable, that I am remarkable. However, my experience of myself is that I am unremarkable. I graduated, went to college, went to seminary, acquired a residency. Despite my challenges and setbacks, the path that I have led to this point has not REALLY been a deviation outside of the normal range.

When I think about how I want to remember my 20s, I think about not being ready to settle, to be in a routine. I like the idea of getting in my car and driving all night. I like cramming onto a Megabus to go to Philadelphia for an authentic Philly Cheesesteak. And, even more so, I like traveling outside of the US in an attempt to understand the world and my place in it a little bit better.

Yet, none of my life plans seem to be leading me that route. I want to scoop ice cream in Ghana or become a bartender in Guatemala. But, I also want to become a Board Certified Hospital Chaplain, an outreach minister in Chicago, a Soup kitchen director in San Francisco.

I am drawn to the image of a plate spinner. It’s a strange balancing act. In one hand, I’m balancing my “career” plates and in the other, I’m balancing my “dream” plates. In an ideal world, I’d be able to keep both sets spinning. However, I’m afraid I might drop one in favor of keeping the others up.

For those of you struck with wanderlust, how do you cope with leading a ‘normal’ life? How do you manage to balance your dreams with your reality?